Helium Thoughts

Gravity does not apply to me

The world rushes around

It spins and orbits as I stay still

Stranded in space

Once a year I have ground to stand on

And once a year we will be in the same place

I can’t say that I want to be in your world

I quite enjoy my nothingness

My bubble, my space

My not quite mediocrity

But never mastery

I have no explanation

At least not one that makes sense

I do want to be with you…

I think

Just not in your world

I don’t have words

For the disembodied fear that meets me

As I become tethered to the ground

I don’t have words

For the way my heart begins to beat not too fast

But not quite right

I don’t have words

For the way that I wish to float into space

Every time I think of you or that or it

Most of the time I really enjoy my directionless flight

I feel safe among the stars

It is large and calm and warm

Even though I know it should be cold

There will always be space for me

Far enough away that I can pretend not to hear this world scream

I know I should show that I care

I don’t know if I can

I’m not even sure if I do

Why should I

You keep me in this world in a way that is sometimes good

Running through my head all day

You have taken the space of my helium thoughts

But it’s hard to comprehend that you’re real

And honestly, I’m not sure you are

Moving in and out of life so infrequently

I don’t have enough of you to create even a snapshot image

I wish to know who or what or how you loved

I wish I could experience the things that give you joy

But as I float into space and you seep back consumed by the earth

We will lose each other unfazed and unchanging

Stuck in our exquisite stagnation